Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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