I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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