remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
