i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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