This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
