last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
