I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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