first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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