Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize