yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
