I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
