Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
