The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just tell him i said nine months
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
