Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
