Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
