You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
