I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
