"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
