Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
