sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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