Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
