Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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