Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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