"it" just moved
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
how drunk are you?
Several
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
