Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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