3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize