The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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