Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize