I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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