I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
