Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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