is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
