med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
