No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize