I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
