remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
