I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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