is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
