I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
