The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
