please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
