Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
