At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
