i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
