He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Who died my cat blue again?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
