Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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