my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
