Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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