He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
