And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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