i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize