Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize