He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
