If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
