Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize