I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to have your abortion
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
