Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
