I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
