2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
well you can't waste a boner
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think people are normalizing furries
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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