I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
