Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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