I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
