Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
