bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
This baby is an asshole
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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