Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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