Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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