dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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