he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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