Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
