he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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