I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
