thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
