You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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