This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Your penis caused this!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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