I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
this will be a night to untag.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
