nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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