My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
