All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
