I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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