My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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