I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
hell yes lets make some ravioli
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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