my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
