I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize