Your tits are I can't wait for
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
