She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
