I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
