Your dad touched me again.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
