I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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