im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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