i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
