dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
