I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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