got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
