i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
