my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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