she woke up with a sticky ear
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
