If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
