oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
