Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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