1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize