Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
