she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
this just has baby written all over it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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