He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
