i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
