How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
