thus making me awesome and them whores
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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