did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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