New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
