I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
there is puke in my bra ... again
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