this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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