Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Acid is not a monday night drug
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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