I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
