# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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