A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
