You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
