I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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