I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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