Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize