i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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