It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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