I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
