Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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