It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
