there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
